Signup and receive my free eBook - "The Fathers Playbook"- For winning back your family!

Father Time Blog

Welcome to Father Time Blog. This is a collection of questions and answers that have come during our conferences this past 15 years of travel, preaching and coaching. If you have subjects you would like to have included please email me at: fathers@mac.com. We are committed to praying and seeing your family healthy, growing and full of love.

A Mother's Calling: it's not just a title

*​This month I've asked my assistant, Mary Pero to guest post this month on the calling of motherhood - I hope you enjoy it!!

My journey into motherhood started at the backdoor. I became a mother at age 33 when I married my husband and gained two beautiful step-daughters, both college age. 

But after a few years of marriage, our empty 'guest' bedroom was calling out to us and we decided to become foster parents. We had a few kids come and go and finally ended up with 3 school age boys (current ages: 6, 7 & 11) who have been with us for the past 18 months. We are now in the process of adopting them. 

Now that we have 3 young boys in the house, with all their stinky farts and general noisiness I'm suddenly desperate to have a small beautifully round baby who just lays in my arms and smiles… there is something about baby burps and farts that are just much cuter than 11 year old farts and burps, am I right?! However, with babies comes less sleep and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up just yet. Forty is the new thirty, right? I've got a few years left :) 

MORE THAN A TITLE 

One of the things my backwards journey into motherhood has taught me is that motherhood is more than a title - it's a calling. The choice is yours as to how much you choose to embrace this. Let me explain what I mean. 

When I first inherited my step-daughters, I thought I would just be their friend: present and available, but not overbearing and certainly not 'mothering' as their own mother was already filling that role and doing a great job. What I failed to realize was that God had also put me in their lives as much as He had put them in mine… and for a good reason. As we grew in relationship together I had more and more opportunities to be present and available to them, to believe in them, to root for them and encourage them. As I began to bless them, I saw myself stepping into a calling I had not noticed before. I could be and would be as much as a mother to them as they needed and wanted. And because I didn't find my identity in the title of 'step-mom' or in motherhood, I was free to bless them and encourage them whenever they came to my husband and I, and I wasn't offended when they didn't. 

FINDING YOUR CALLING 

When the boys came to live with us a year and a half ago, they were really angry - understandably so. They had no way of knowing if we were good people or bad people or what living in our home would be like. It took us awhile to really gain their trust and begin any type of relationship with them other than what felt like a prison warden, which really, is no relationship at all (please understand I was not running a prison, but with 3 young boys who had never really been parented, I spent most of my days spelling out the rules, maintaining boundaries and giving consequences for broken rules - I did not enjoy it). 

Those days were difficult as my husband and I were choosing to love the children the Lord had placed in our home. Their aggressive behavior and tempers made it really difficult but we made a conscious decision daily to love them (see 1 Cor. 13 if you're wondering what I mean by making a choosing to love rather than feeling love or just simply loving). Their birth mother had long had the title of 'mother'. These boys didn't think they needed another mother and they certainly didn't want one that looked like me. I often wondered during those difficult days if there would ever come a time when our relationship would be reciprocal. If there would be a day in the future when I would naturally overflow with love for them, rather than pressing in against the rejection and choosing to love them anyway. 

I can remember one particular month where one of the boys would move a magnet over my head every time he walked past the refrigerator. At the time we had pictures of our family including the boys, as well as individual pictures of each boy and our step-daughters scattered across the refrigerator doors held on by magnets. Every single day for a few weeks, EVERY SINGLE TIME he passed by the refrigerator he would move a magnet to cover up my head in all the pictures. As ridiculous as it seems, it felt very hurtful to be constantly singled out as if I was the only person they wished weren't there. 

Following the refrigerator incident, something changed in me. There was a breaking off of something I didn't realize was there: I believed that a reciprocal relationship with my boys would somehow prove I really was a mom, though I had never birthed children of my own. It was as though I wanted them to be happy and cuddly and smiley just to prove I was a mom - let alone a good mom. With my boys, motherhood was a title I was striving for, rather than a calling I had already been given. While this breaking came through a hurtful rejection, it opened my eyes to see the calling before me. No, I did not have smiling happy children to remind myself and the world that motherhood was a gift, but I could see the calling of motherhood - and I decided to embrace it. 

LIVING FROM A PLACE OF BLESSING 

The more I began to see my role as the boys' mother as a calling, the more freedom I began to see in my own life. I began to worry less about whether or not the boys and I would ever have the mother/child relationship I was hoping for and began to focus more on the type of mother I wanted my children to remember me as. These are some of the words I hoped would define my life as it related to my children: "She believed in me before anyone else did" "She loved me fiercely and fought for me when I had no voice" "She encouraged me to do great things" "She showed me what God's love looked like" 

The more I began to focus on the great calling I had been given, and the great privilege it was to introduce these young boys to the Father in heaven, the less important it became that I fight to receive some of the perks of motherhood - hugs, cuddles and happy children. I just keep loving them and finding the blessing in loving these children whom God had entrusted to my husband and I. And I began to find great joy in this calling. Suddenly the scales were off and not only was I aware of God's grace on my life, and how my family had become a picture of the family of God (we are all adopted into God's family through Jesus, because He died on the cross for us and paid the price for our sins when we were unlovable), but I was actually living and breathing the blessing of God and mothering from a place of the one who has been forgiven much. 

And you know what? I started yelling less. I was becoming more patient. I was enjoying my children more. No - they had not changed. But I had changed and the calling and blessing of motherhood was changing me. 

I pray this Mother's Day no matter where you are or what season you are in, your eyes are opened to see the blessing of the calling of motherhood. If you have not yet been given the 'gift' of motherhood through childbirth, I pray you find the calling as you go out and become a spiritual mother to those around you. Orphans come in all shapes and sizes. We all need someone who will believe in us and love us like a mother no matter what may come. 

Happy Mother's Day


If you'd like to learn more about your calling as a mother or discover how to mother your kids from a place of blessing, I encourage you to pick up a copy of Ed's latest book, ​The Father You've Always Wanted. ​It's on sale right now!! To purchase, follow the link HERE

A THOUSAND FACEBOOK FRIENDS BUT NO FATHERS
Things I Learned From Giving My Daughter Away

Related Posts

Back to Top